All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think your dad took our porno
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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