I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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