I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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