maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
