Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize