I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
