Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
