Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
