if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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