Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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