Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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