Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
