White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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