Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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