GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
