I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
