i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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