Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
