Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Buhtt sex?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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