he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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