Buhtt sex?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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