so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
