What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
