Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
