I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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