Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
