Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
