If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
