i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
