my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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