my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
