it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
tell me about the fingering
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