please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
where are my eyebrows?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
