my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
