period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
