My first STD was from a foam party
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
