I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
