It's Friday. Sex?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
