I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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