I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize