in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
