her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
