i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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