soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
