I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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