Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
