It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you had me at cake vodka
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
