He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
