i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
