I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
