I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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