you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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