I'm really into asian looking animals
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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