sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
