i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
