Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
