for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
