my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
