My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im calling her cock vulture from now on
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize