I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
