It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
