Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You don't make any sense
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