his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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