this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's blow job season.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
