the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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