Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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