I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
