Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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