i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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