he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize