I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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