New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
