I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize