you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
