No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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