are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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