Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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