If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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