i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
