And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
