Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
