why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
