Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
