when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
