I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
