Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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