Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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