If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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