I never want to see another naked old woman again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
