I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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