Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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