hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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