do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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