i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
