i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
