Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
