ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize