You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
