so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
