The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
