I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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