there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
