I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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