we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
