My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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