Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
