i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
