Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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