I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize