everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
