I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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