he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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